Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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