If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
