i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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