I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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