I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
