i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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