How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
