So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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