I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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