I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Text me some of your sweat
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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