at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
