you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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