Moan for me like Helen Keller
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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