i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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