May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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