Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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