So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
