we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
