so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
