Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
