how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
