I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
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white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
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So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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