Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize