While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
