I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
