Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
