talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
