I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
