I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
