I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
