tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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