All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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