My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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