Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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