In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
3pm strippers are depressing
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
