A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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