im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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