I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Couch. On fire.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
