You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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