I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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