I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize