you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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