i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
