I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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