Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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