Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Randomize
