I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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