We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
