There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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