Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
