i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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