i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
operation have a gay friend backfired
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
