I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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