college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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