Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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