I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
