Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
