I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
