He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
