he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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