Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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