I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
