He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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