I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
