My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
