What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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