Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
