I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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