I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
