Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
