my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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