guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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