Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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