i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
