his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
