so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
