oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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