Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
