Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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