Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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